Problems Have Solutions

3:45a.m. …3:55a.m. …4:15a.m. …It’s too early to be awake but here I am. I received incredibly frustrating news the evening before…you know the kind, where your ex…a fully functioning adult…drops an issue in your lap for you to solve within 24 hours with no suggestions or options for a solution. Just a “here, this is yours now.”  Yep…not the end of the world, but just not welcomed on top of everything else going on. I know logically all problems have solutions, but tell my brain that at 4:15a.m.  So now what?

Well, on this particular day, I threw myself a royal pity party and went to bed thinking I was going to have to tell my son the next day that after a 5-year commitment to Taekwondo, he would not be achieving his goal of First-Degree  Black Belt because it’s too hard to help him get to 20 extra classes on only Tuesdays and Thursday for 1 month. I  have work. I have commitments too. And why can’t we come on Saturday? This makes no sense.

Then, in the wee hours of the morning, I apparently woke myself up to think about this. First, I cried.

Why is it always my job to solve these problems? Why me? I could blame his dad for not telling me sooner. Or I could blame my son for not knowing his requirements. Or I could blame the teacher for not telling me, or him, or the other him, clearly enough…Sigh…Nope. That’s not the lesson today.

Then, I stopped.

I remembered that this activity taught my son discipline and gave him mental and physical strength. And, it’s been five years of his hard work and that it was my strong encouragement and statements of not quitting that brought us here. I can’t quit on him by letting this new obstacle prevent him from missing his goal. He’d have a lifetime knowing he went five years and stopped one month prior…and no matter the excuse, I’d have the knowledge that it was I was the reason. And let’s be real: he has to do the work still. I just have to get him there.  Time for me to take my own advice…

Problems Have Solutions, you I just have to be willing to do it.

So how do we solve these problems when they come up?

1. Pray & Meditate

This is actually my step 0, step 1.2…2.2…you get the point. Anyway, no matter your belief system it is important to clear your mind and outline your needs in the solution. Tell God, or your higher power, what you are seeking:  a solution that supports your child’s goals or satisfies a need. You need to reflect on what you and your children have accomplished thus far and take a moment to be proud. Reflect on the sacrifice made to get there. Not to have more pity, but to remind yourself how strong you are and how far you have come. And remember your babies are worth it.

 

2. Be Willing

I don’t want to ask my boss if I can rearrange my schedule. And I don’t want to actually rearrange my schedule, or work from the car with a hot spot, or have my daughter sit in the car while I work from the car with a hot spot.  And I definitely don’t want to work late on the night that I have class. But it’s once a week for one month, Mama. You can do this. Deep breath. Look at the schedule. See what arrangements and concessions you can make. Make the call to the boss or the coworker for trades.

 

Now, not everyone will be able to do this. Or perhaps whatever you are facing isn’t a matter of your work schedule. But ALL Problems Have Solutions. Check things out around you. Talk to advisor or mentors or friend (just the good ones 😉) and see what your possibilities are.  They will not all be easy or good.  In fact, some will be downright hard. But remember, it’s temporary.

 

3. Turn to your Network

If you don’t have your Successful Solo Moms Network, then you need to start building this immediately.  No one builds an empire on their own.  A network is made of mutually reciprocal relationships with common goals. This could include family members, friends, neighbors, members of a mom group, or whoever you trust. Today, they are picking up your kid from school and tomorrow you are babysitting for them.  As you build these relationships and do favors for others, you will see that they are also willing to help you out during these tough times too…especially if there is an end in sight.

 

4. Have an Outlet

Mama, self-care if very important. It is essential that you have at least one outlet. Whether it’s a group of friends to text when you need sympathy or a kickboxing class to beat out all the frustration…it could be a day at the beach or an afternoon of just hanging with your kids…it doesn’t matter:  you need the time and space to be you. You need to have it on the books and know it’s coming so when the world feels like it is crashing on you, you also know that a break is coming. Create the space and hold on to it…mark you calendar if you need. “Me Time!”  Then, if anyone asks, oh, sorry, I’m booked at that time! 😉

 

Listen…

this isn’t going to solve the world’s problems, nor will it always be easy for whatever issue you are facing. But problems have solutions and you can do this! If not you, then who? Obstacles can be painful, but they will not stop you if you are willing to do what’s needed. Stand on your feet whenever possible and lean on your network to fill any gaps. Know that you are valuable, and the inconvenience will be worth it.

Find some other helpful hints at Motivation for Single Moms.